hysteria

this poem may be triggering for survivors of abuse and violence

hysteria

i’m yeshua on the cross
nailed to this unholy body
stiff in my pain
i cry out

father!
why hast thou forsaken me?
mother!
deliver me home!

home home
somewhere i am real
not corroded and broken
fake and inauthentic

take me somewhere there are no stories
no ritual abuse hysteria
no corpses crying out to me
“we are real. we are real!”

i can’t see what other people see
i feel pain. pain!
it’s claws rake into me
children with no hearts
no eyes,
weeping

the brown earth of my flesh
has faded to ash
i am a ghost
haunting the world of facts

facts do not cease to exist
i cease to exist
the facts disappear
chalk streaks on the slate of my blankness

killers and pain
people who don’t matter
lies and liars
i am one of you!

and i am alone on this cross
this hysterical cross
i hear their laughter
at my invisible crucifixion

they are everybody
and i am no one

i am a curse
i am cursed

——————————

from my book, health
fix this mess

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