night thoughts in the morning

a lot of nights I spend hours treating symptoms that are keeping me from falling asleep.
I still don’t see my way through this, refractionist but I’m focusing on radical acceptance and being happy. it’s weird, order because I think I’m a lot happier than most people even though I’m in a pretty extreme health situation and may not survive. i feel bad for people with unhappy lives. I wish I could bring everyone where I am because I truly enjoy what life offers me.
I think this is the wisdom of the dying. which should scare me I guess. but I do think there is a chance I could live a long time. the coin is up in the air right now. 
tending to my symptoms, getting some cranberry juice.
xo billie

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